It's Official

last week was the week from hell.

*Readers, I must warn you, this blog is quite extensive. I do apologize for the length, but once you read it, you'll understand how it got to be so long. I had quite a lot of time to think about it. READ ON.*

Seriously. Nothing could go right and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.... oh it did. I'll start off with Sunday (May 10th). Chad leaves for Northern Germany to compete in his NCO of the Year for Europe. How convenient that he skips town when I'm smothered in boxes. I'm left to do heavy lifting and box cutting until I have formed disgusting blisters on both thumbs! Lovely. Once my thumbs were void of skin, I felt the need to reward myself a break with some ice cream. Walking down into the cellar only made matters worse because as I hit the last step, my flip flopped foot splashed down into 2 inches of water. You see, we've had torrential downpours Monday - Wednesday. Totally out of character for this time of year. That may explain why our drains were backed up and water then began overflowing into the cellar. I call the landlord immediately (after getting my ice cream) and he comes over and takes care of it. What a good lord of the land he is (that's what he called it one time... he's learning English).

Anyways, Chad returns home on Wednesday (exhausted of course so no help there) only to tell me he has to work on Thursday (the day he promised he had off). GREAT! PEACHY! So on Thursday he tells his boss the pathetic state of mind I am in and he takes pity on me and sends Chad home. We go to the temp. house and I put my pent up frustration to good use by scrubbing the house FURIOUSLY clean.

We return home Thursday night with loads of wet laundry, which I will attempt to dry in my German dryer. Chad, however, offers to take care of that for me and does so. Kinda. After a couple hours of "drying" he complains the clothes are still wet. He sets the dryer again and we go to bed. Unfortunately, an hour later I wake with a start, run downstairs to see if Chad has emptied the dryer's water. German dryers literally suck the water out of your clothes and deposit it into this water holding drawer that you MUST empty after every cycle. Otherwise, the water will just redeposit itself into the drying drum and you are essentially swishing your clothes around in the water you'd hope to remove. Chad knew this... but must have forgotten. I also examine what we thought was the lint trap that we'd been cleaning and thought WHERE IS THE LINT GOING? Something wasn't right. I glance at the door and see a few dog hairs sticking out of this slot and alas... the lint trap.... STUFFED TO CAPACITY ( probably beyond capacity) with lint. Oh yes, we are thankful to have not burned the house down via lint trap over crowding. Crisis averted.

Friday, Chad leaves for Switzerland for a 50 K ruck march. Alone again. Just me, the dogs, and a crap load of boxes. I stay inside all day Friday and Saturday working on the house and must admit I was seeing progress. Sunday, I planned to jump in fully and finish at least one darn room. This is where the week really goes downhill.

Sunday morning, wake up. Let the dogs out. It's hot. Sun is shining. Meatloaf goes #2. Being the responsible dog owner and good neighbor I strive to be, I get a bag and go pick up the poop. Then, all of a sudden, our metal "shades" on the door that I MUST use to get into the house closes. Now I know this is hard to understand, but I'll do my best to explain it. German's use to have shutters on the outside of their homes, which they would shut at night or in bad weather. They've since upgraded to metal doors that make you feel like you're inside a VAULT. No lie. You can roll them down from the inside, but they are on the OUTSIDE of the doors and windows. They are pretty much impenetrable. Unfortunately, the one on our door to the garden is automatic. It has a mind of it's own. It thought it would be funny to close at 9 in the morning, locking ME and the DOGS out of the HOUSE. Hello Panic! It's 9 am, Chad is in another country, I have no phone, I have no phone numbers, I have no water. WE'RE GONNA DIE. Those are just a few thoughts running through my head, others might include a lot of profanity. After skittishly trying to open EVERY window, lift the metal door, and punch in every code imaginable to man in order to get into my car and retrieve the garage door opener with no success... I sit on the step and cry. FOR TWO HOURS.

Then there is HOPE, who comes in the form of my dear neighbor, Helga. She is unsuspecting and innocently reading her paper in her garden when I approach her. She's in her PJ's and throws on a robe (can't be seen without one). God knows what she thought of me, I'm in my ducky pj pants that I've had since Junior year in high school. I'm also wearing no bra, but a UCLA sweatshirt in 80 degree weather. I'm glad I had enough sense to remove my face mask before walking outside because that surely would have made things worse.

Anyways, I tell her of my situation. She feels horrible and will call my landlord.... his wife... his parents-in-law... and the painter of our house. No answers. She then brings me water, the dogs water, and insists on bringing me yogurts. (The best damn yogurts I've ever had.) She passes a chair over the hedge. And continues calling, every number, every hour for the next 10 hours. That's right folks. I watched bees pollinate oleanders for 1o hours. Helga brought me a bowl of spaghetti and a glass of wine at about 7 in the evening. She invited me and the dogs into her home but I couldn't do that to her. Then, it started to rain.

And rain it did for the next two hours. Chad came home (had not received a house key yet), we sat in his truck, then I went back in the garden in the rain to sit with Gnocchi who wouldn't fit in the truck. And even though the landlord was on his way home from Lake Constance to open the house, the automatic door opened after being closed for 12 hours.

In the end, I've learned some valuable lessons with which I will close this blog. Always leave a window open when going into your German garden.... you never know when you'll have to climb through one. Also, memorize your key-less entry for your vehicle. It will come in handy. Lastly, get a hideous garden gnome and put a spare key near it for good measure. In case the other two fail.

Oh and... be nice to your neighbors.